---Well, it's some good news and bad news in my little world.
It feels easier to break it down like this---


Bad news: Devan is working as an employee under Blueberry at a dish installing gig and Blue doesn't seem ot know what the hell he's doing.

Good news: Devan's finally got a job

Bad news: Devan's unemployment paychecks were cut off earlier than they should have (even though Alabama doesn't know about the job)

Good news: Devan is getting some exercise at this job

Bad news: Blueberry and Devan's job won't pay anything for 3 weeks (assuming they can make any money with this)

Good news: Devan is temporarily living at my house to save gas money =D

Bad news: He misses the kids and his mom

Good news: Devan brought his kittens to live at my house while he's here

Bad news: Dad still hasn't been able to find a job and his unemployment may go out soon

Good news: Devan and the kittens living here for the moment is brightening Dad's spirit especially when he baby sits while 'mama' Devan is away

Bad news: Mom's in the hospital again.

Worse news: Her COPD condition is worse now and they put her on a ventallator

Good news: She has shown some improvement

Bad news: She's going to be shipped to a long term care hospital

Good news: The kittens are healthy and a handful

Bad news: Blueberry keeps waking me up at 7 am by calling to wake up Devan, and then I can't go back to sleep

Good news: I had some K2 to smoke

Bad news: The hospital bill is expensive out the ass and Dad has cheaper "hospital only" insurance they probably won't cover it all. (inflated cost of 750$ for an ambulance ride less than 10 minutes, example: 50$ charge for oxygen during 10 minutes when you can get as full tank that lasts a couple of hours for about 15$).

Good news: I still have my Pasghettis job

Bad news: I still have my Pasghettis job

Bad news: Everyone that I had kind of become freinds with on the kitchen and dish side at Pasghettis has left

Bad news: I've run out of good news to list

Bad news: Blueberry is mooching off others (again) and treating Devan with no respect (Blue left Devan inside his hot truck outside for 40 minutes while he went into some friend's house to ask for money. I came up there and picked up Devan since they were close)

Fail news: Any plan hatched by Blueberry


---It seems to be more biased to bad news, isn't it?---

[To protect the identity of the man I speak, a fake name will be used]          

 

I have seen the light, praise lord hallelujah. Ok maybe not entirely.

Devan has us going to church to find a “missing something” in our lives.

Well I got off work today and I wanted to do something new again. Instead of going home I helped [Andrew] get done with dishes and went to his place to chill. I haven’t been to a new person’s house in… years. It was a new kind of trip. Well his little world turned out to be enlightening to a current thing (not just something I read on the internet or hear about through talk).

 

I’ve just had my first glimpse into the pot culture, the true underground. A day in the life in a pot dealer is hectic. Every couple of minutes or so his phone would ring, or someone would come in. We were going to sit on the couch and smoke Of course the term “drug dealer” is taken in such a negative way in current society. He giggled nervously when I called him that in a question: “You see allot of characters as a drug dealer don’t you?” He does meet some interesting people and they are all friends too. If you think church has a close network then these guys were like the Borg in comparison. These guys have this great bond, like they are all in a struggle against the man. So before I could just sit with him and get to know him, [Andrew] went to speakeasy with some friends of his roomate’s [Andrew] took off wearing an Etowah county sheriff’s shirt for the irony. Everyone was going to drink at the speakeasy except for one person who was claimed as the designated driver, so he smoked some reefer. They used words for the smokes that I’ve not heard like “mid” and “high” in reference to the quality. It was a community; they shared the green stuff among everyone. [Andrew] ’s working to be a culinary chef, which is why he is particularly mad at Glenn for not letting him cook at Pasghettis. I kind of like [Andrew] , he’s been in some of my naughtier dreams lately. When I first saw him at Pasghettis I assessed everyone there as to whether I would fuck them or not and [Andrew] was on my list for a bit. I sort of took him off for a time because he half acted like he was an asshole. I didn’t believe he was but he mellowed out around me after a while, maybe it was from Ryan (a close friend) finding another job than there. So when I told Devan that I was finding redheads attractive, that was what I was getting at. When I was just sitting on [Andrew] ’s couch after taking a few hits, I just thought to myself “everyone is beautiful, I love everyone”. This wasn’t just an experience into the underground, it was also my first glimpse into feeling like a member of a group, something to be proud of, not just an isolationist. I had found the captain’s great white whale, the holy grail (in Blue’s case it would be the holy grill) I had found that sense of community that Devan and I had been missing out on. Now it might just be the pot talking, I’m not sure at this moment. I just wanted to write this stuff down before I forgot it tomorrow.

And because Devan might be thinking this in the back of his mind, no I have not been praying to God.

Yeah who's more fucked up when it comes to relationships, Blue or me. He wants a "woman of his own", someone who will be disinterested in other men/women, but he would like to pursue other women and engage in dispassionate sex, no emotional attachments, and his fantasies include rape (or so he claims). Puts the whole frosty thing into perspective really lol. Blue's really insecure about his penis size too, no matter how much I tell him that it doesn't matter. He likes to put up fronts too, hard to follow his thought process because he kept swapping from serious mode, to kidding, to pseudo-rapist mode. Then I would rather have a partner (or multiple partners) but still be allowed to date or get out and whatnot. My fetishes include homosexual fantasies, because I can imagine the romance, (two people against the grain find love for each other blah blah blah) not to mention it's hot. I want passion when I have sex, I like to feel the passion even without ever doing anything sexual (apart from kissing) but a relationship is more than just sex,  it's a bond and I apparently hunger for more bonds. Passionless sex doesn't feed it. Part of the reason I didn't stay with Neo was it wouldn't have worked in the long run, he wants "someone of his own" too, with Devan I can be myself. I wouldn't have been able to explore myself to figure out what I believe in, I would have just had to follow "this person is mine and no one else can have him" attitude. That way of thinking doesn't feel right, you can still be with someone, move to someone else and not leave the original person. The only thing that gets in the way is jealousy. People would rather feed their own jealousy than try to conquer it and experience something truly wonderful. On the other hand, what better way of showing your loyalty to someone than to swear off all others and completely cease having those romantic endorphines many people crave. All I know, is I couldn't bring myself to ask something like that of anyone, I just wish no one would ask that of me ever again.